Welcome to An Inner Walk-About

There is an inner landscape that sounds the wild call for stillness. It is both empty and cognizant at the same time. We may fall into its desert and become lost. Here, we may disappear, dissolve, die before we die. We are searching for a life, fully lived.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Social Mind's Love Myth

Well, I am back with my pet subject, relationships. My first venture on the desks of the Relation-Ship was titled "Sailing on the Relation-Ship" (2009).

Over the years of observing “relation-shipping issues, I have noticed a consistent social mind content, created through countless expectations and assumptions. I gathered a long list of these from my own mishaps and those of friends and clients as we sailed into the storm called, “ If you truly loved me, you would...”.

Here are a few of the most common add ons to this repeating theme of "if you really loved me, you would": need me; agree with me; want to share most of your time with me; meet my emotional needs; put me first in your life; ask my advice; try harder to please me; want what I want; share your money with me; have sex with me when I want to; do anything to save the relationship; marry me.

This appears to be the agreed upon Relationship Belief System. In this system, the focus of attention falls on our partner, monitoring the level of adherence to the love-model, based on these expectations and assumptions. Can we notice how our attention is so clearly external in this system? The more we look at this Relationship Belief System, the more unavoidable the conclusion is that it functions as an archetype of control programs within the Social Mind.

Let’ s consider that there are few subjects on which we can find such a barrage of persuasive marketing propaganda. We are bombarded with millions of ads, books, lyrics, films, and photos in which the basic assumption for happiness, safety, and success in our lives is portrayed as the “two-by-two” model.

Here is what is so confusing and suspicious to me: Why is it so important for the Social Mind to convert us to its religion of love? Why has it continued to crank out its love-doctrines for centuries? Is it really necessary to convince us of something that it claims is so organic to our nature? Does it make any sense at all to create a massive intervention in our behalf and devote such effort, time and resource, to something that it claims is natural to us?

Might this all point in a very different direction, one that unveils this relationship behavior as “programmed” behavior? Does it suggest that the Social Mind Relation-Ship patrol must perpetuate its marketing campaign, because it is so contrary to anything we would pursue in our natural, uncontaminated state?

As I consider the content and form of what has become the society’s Relation-Ship Institution, I am convinced that relationship failure has much to do with the model, and perhaps much less with the current assumptions suggested by the psychological community.

If we each pondered our untamed, powerful selves, what might we find after stripping off the layers Relation-Ship conditioning? Would we stop negotiating our love life and surrender the ownership model that dominates our heart?

I am surely suggesting mutiny. Let's take a closer look in the weeks to come and imagine how we might catch a new wind in our sail.

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